Grandma's Tapes

I'm talking about my grandma here.  My dad's mom, who passed away from colon cancer when I was almost 12, was someone I was not close to - but not for lack of trying for either of us, I like to think.  She held education in high esteem and I was focused on being a kid at play.  These two ideals didn't meld well together.  When my grandparents moved to my hometown (I believe just before or just after her cancer diagnosis), we suddenly had opportunities to get to know each other.  And it was not easy.

She would see a beautiful day as an opportunity to take a walk in nature.  I thought a walk was a good idea, until she started teaching me tree identification signs.  I remember once getting really excited to bake something with her, until she corrected me when I leveled off a cup of flour by shaking it a bit, instead of using the more precise method of leveling with the back of a knife.

I like to think we both attempted but just couldn't connect.  She wanted to see me grow into a wise and caring adult.  I just wanted to be the kid I was and have a grandma who met me where I was at.  It's too bad that she couldn't become a bit more like a kid for me and that I couldn't see beyond my own little world to see that she was trying to help me expand my horizons.

Many years later I was given audio cassette tapes of Grandma reading poetry and short stories to me.  When she used to live in New Jersey, she would sometimes write letters with poetry and other thoughts in it, and I have some of those letters, now, too.  Back when those gifts were given, they were misunderstood.  I was a child and I thought and acted like a child.  Now I am an adult and I am starting to see life as an adult does.  I see the treasure in these little things.

A friend of mine noted that I spent the time to hand-write a little note to her along with her Christmas card.  It wasn't much, but it was something that took a bit more time and effort on my part to show her that she is special to me.  How much more are these tapes and letter from my grandma!  To think of the time she spent organizing these poems and stories and then sitting down and reciting them to a tape recorder, knowing that she wouldn't get to see which ones I liked or made me think or made me laugh.  What extra effort that was!

Last year I bought a computer program that transfers VHS tapes to DVD and audio cassettes to CD.  I haven't figured out the VHS-DVD part yet (mostly because my VCR is too old to have the appropriate input and output jacks required), but I did just finished transferring my grandma's tapes to CDs.  I got the first ones done about 6 months ago, and Kassia just loves to sit and listen to grandma's voice as she tells the stories and reads the poems.  Kassia really enjoyed them in the car, too, when I used them as-is, as our van doesn't have a CD player but only a tape deck.  The tapes aren't holding up too well; one kept loosening as I recorded it to the computer, but it makes me that much more thankful that I was able to preserve these precious gifts that were given to a child and are now appreciate by an adult.

Thank you, Grandma, for your love and efforts to bridge the gap.  I now understand, and so very much appreciate your gifts.  And now I will share them with my children.

Love, Katie

P.S.  I have a tape that my dad made of me looking at a scrapbook that grandma made and sent to me.  I was two years old at the time and boy do I sound cute!  If I could figure out how to link audio clips on here, I would share a snippet with you!

P.P.S.  Any gifts that you misunderstood as a youth but now have come to appreciate?  If you have the blessing of having the giver still around, please let them know that you are thankful!