Plan v. Reality

Valentine's Day - Sunday, February 14, 2010

The Plan

Paul's gift to me is completing a long but simple list of to-do's that I've compiled for him over the last few months.  This includes drilling a few holes in the walls so I can hang photos and installing a diaper sprayer to make cloth diapering a little less unappealing.

My gift to him is to be thankful and happy all day (I am determined not to get overemotional) and to make any special treat he requests after finishing up the tasks he's decided to take on.

We will then spend the afternoon with the kids simply enjoying each others' company.  In the evening, Paul and I will trade off foot rubs and cuddle.

The Reality

Paul goes to one of his favorite stores (Menards) while I get lunch for the kids.  I get a "nesting" itch and Kassia wants to help me attack the dust in my bedroom.  I wash the sheets and the dishes, wondering if I am doing too much on a Sunday.

Paul comes home and gets started on project he has chosen to complete first: install the diaper sprayer.  What should have taken 15 minutes to complete ends up consuming 2 HOURS - because the person I got the diaper sprayer from (via craigslist) neglected to include a vital gasket that would have prevented leaking all over the bathroom floor.

Paul quits the job and is too frustrated to even consider doing the other tasks and I cry because I didn't expect any frustration or time wasted in my plan for the day.  Between tears, I confess to Paul that I haven't spent much quality time with the kids and, in general, find a pity-pool in my mind and wallow in my own perceived failures.

After some time, Paul helps me to find my smile again and I help him to get over his irritation that he couldn't invent or modify a gasket that would make my diaper sprayer not dump water on the bathroom floor; he SO wanted to get my diaper sprayer all set for me.

We throw together a dinner and eat, the kids play a bit and I, no longer feeling the weight of Mommy Guilt, read a few chapters of The Boxcar Children book #5 as Paul starts a chess game (he is studying to compete in a tournament in May).  The kids start getting ready for bed, we tuck them in and say prayers. I round off the evening watching a little television while Paul finishes up his chess game and does some work prep for Monday.

I'm in bed twenty minutes before 9pm and I fall asleep right away.

At 10:30ish, I hear one of the kids calling out for me and I notice as I stumble out of bed and head to the kids' room that, at some point, Paul came to bed.

Kassia's thrown up.  While the tub fills up for a bath for Kassia (nothing like vomit in hair, you know), I strip the sheets, miraculously not throwing up at the sight and smell of it.  I wash Kassia off, get her dressed and braid her hair so that we don't have to have hair in the way should she get sick again.  We go down and make beds in the living room so as not to disturb the sleeping members of the family.  She gets tucked in and I start the first load of laundry and settle myself down for the night on the sofa.

A few hours and throw-ups (in a bucket, thankfully) later, Paul comes downstairs.  He's not feeling well either.  :-(

Now it's 8 in the morning and St. Valentine's Day is over.  Kassia's still feeling ill and I am super-tired.  Paul is still feeling poorly but left for work to see if he could try and make it through the day (He's very much needed at work these days and we are trying to "save" a day off for him for the day that the baby chooses to be born).

The lesson in all of this is you can never truly "plan."  This has always been a difficulty for me - I love to plan things out and I used to end up really bummed out when my high expectations were nowhere close to being met.  Also, it's a blessing in that it has reminded me again that our family hasn't really been sick at all during this winter.  I guess it was just our time to have a virus enter the home (but I'm still praying really hard that only Kassia and Paul will suffer from the bug!).  Finally, it has helped me to "live" my plan to be "small" and focus on the sacrifices that I can make to strengthen my family and bring me closer to God.  There is nothing like caring for the ill that really helps you to see how very "small" you are.  It's a good thing.  Really!