Do you ever get that feeling that you will never get over your own humanity?
Today, for instance, was just another one of those days when I opened my big mouth and spoke before thinking. I was speaking to a friend about our personal health insurance situation, and she was giving me advice on a route that I had not thought to pursue. Within that conversation, I divulged information that was not really supposed to be shared. I knew it as soon as it was out. Granted, I have no concerns that this information will ever be shared with others, but the fact was, I should have known that it was going to make me a bit uncomfortable. Not for you, dear friend - you know who you are - but for myself and my husband (who rarely discusses details of personal family information and would probably think to ask me before he would in that rare case).
So, my feeling now is frustration and disappointment over my own humanity - that part of me that stubbornly refuses to think well before speaking - just one of the many little sins/bad habits I have a tendency toward. I wonder, will I ever learn? Will I ever get ahold of that tendency and vanquish it?
I suppose that there are worse tendencies that I could focus on, but today that was just the one that makes me sad to be so human. I hate disappointing others or potentially hurting them or causing them discomfort, especially through such a careless way. I have faith that this isn't really a huge deal and that I will be/am forgiven for being so thoughtless. At the same time, it is a big deal because I wasn't thoughtful about how my husband would feel regarding me being so upfront discussing personal family financial info with someone else. And I know that I have made him feel uncomfortable. (My friend, don't feel badly - you didn't open my big mouth!)
Well, with the grace of God, it is humanly possible to conquer this tendency of mine; I just have to put my hand back to the plow, as the saying goes. There is hope for me yet and, God willing, time enough for me to become the saint that God wants me to be. It's been another good lesson in learning self-control, and I am encouraged because I know that this network of bloggers and readers is made up of people equally as human as I. I find much comfort and support in that!
Oh Katie,
ReplyDeleteI have done this before as well. Do not feel too badly, you are reacting as the Lord would want you to, seeking a lesson from Him in your sinful ways--what He has called us to do. This too, can be an invitation for your wonderful hubby to grow as well, as he forgives you, even if you may have said something he would rather keep within your family.
God keep you hon. You are doing a great job in seeking His will in all you do and are. You fall because you are not perfect--but don't stop getting up, know you can never do it by yourself, but the Lord wants to make a saint of you, and if you are open to the journey, I have faith it can happen!
I love you!
Humanity a gift and God has such a great love for his creation. So - don't feel bad about your humanity! I imagine we'll be human in heaven, too! It's okay - you had a slip of the tongue. It was unintentional. Saints have committed greater sins, even in all their holiness. Don't dwell! Move on, because I'm sure God already has :-)
ReplyDeleteThe spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Sometimes, our humbling situations can help us set our hearts on heaven. There are no blunders there!
ReplyDelete>> Saying a prayer for you, dear. <<
I've been there so many times as well. Open mouth, insert foot. Your post of sorrow about this issue reveals your heart, and the healing has already begun. God bless you!
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